Blarney Knight
by Daya
Rated PG-13

Disclaimer: Paramount owns it, not us.

B’Elanna was the first to enter the mess hall in the morning. She was
staring at her padd at 0550 hours as she walked through the doors.
‘Morning, Neelix,’ she called absently, moving towards the counter. She was
running through some of the calculations in her head when she finally looked
The padd hung at her side as she took in her surroundings. Her eyes
actually hurt from the bright shades of green that adorned the sickbay. She
turned to Neelix.
‘What have you DONE?!’ she shrieked. He looked somewhat like a disturbed
chipmunk when he tilted his head to one side.
‘Is there a problem, B’Elanna?’
B’Elanna did not answer, instead hazarding a glance towards the food on the
counter. Her face turned an impressive shade of lime when she saw the
greenish vegetables, bread and even cake that were prepared for the crew.
Neelix looked at her appreciatively.
‘Very nice, Lieutenant. You go with the décor.’
B’Elanna swallowed hard.
‘Décor?! This isn’t décor! This is an internal decorator’s nightmare! I
bet Tuvok’s internal organs aren’t this green!!!’
‘Too much?’ Neelix asked anxiously.
B’Elanna was about to say more, but she restrained herself, knowing that she
could well say something that she would regret later. He might actually
make her EAT some of those... green... things.
‘Just a little,’ she said with an effort. ‘Excuse me... I have to get to
Engineering...’ She hurried out, just barely managing to keep her previous
raktajino down.
‘But Lieutenant, didn’t you want something to e...’ he trailed off as she
did not look back. He shrugged and took down a few of the green paper crepe
chains that hung from the walls. Then he set about preparing his costume.

Tom fidgeted in his seat, at the same time trying not to look at the chrono
and look at it anyway. He could not wait to get out of there and start the
St Patrick’s Day hunt... which essentially consisted of him going around
the ship spray painting everything green. He only hoped that Janeway had
not confiscated his aerosol can this year. He threw a smile in Harry’s
direction, who gave him a discreet thumbs-up. Everything was rigged. All
it needed was a few minutes until the end of the shift, and a trip to the
power conduits in engineering.

Janeway stood up, stretching her legs. ‘Alright, shift’s over. People,
have fun, but be reasonaAAAAH!!!!’
She whipped round and glared at Chakotay, who was watching her with a
distinct smirk on his face. She rubbed her behind cautiously.
‘You’re not wearing green, Captain.’
She darted towards him.
‘Neither are you, Commander...’
He quickly pulled up his trouser leg. There was a definite green sock in
*Damn,* she thought. She straightened her uniform.
‘As you were.’
Tom chuckled (under his breath, as he knew what was good for him) and
entered the turbolift, with Harry, the Captain and Chakotay following close
behind. He waited for the senior two to get out.

Kathryn and Chakotay went through the doors to the mess hall. Thankfully
some of the green decorations had been cleared up, so they were spared the
mind-numbing effect that it had all had on B’Elanna. There were some people
already in there, munching on various green snacks. There was faint Celtic
music in the background, and Kathryn found herself relaxing a little. She
and Chakotay fell into an easy banter... Until Neelix appeared.
Kathryn stopped in the middle of a sentence and just looked. Chakotay
turned around to see what had caught her attention.
He began to laugh, hearing Kathryn dissolve into mirth beside him.
Neelix had exchanged his usual colourful attire for… green. He wore a green
suit with brass buttons and a sash tied up at his waist. On his head was a
green hat with little bells on it that jingled merrily everywhere he went.
On his feet were little green booties that curled upwards at the toes.
‘Neelix...’ Chakotay said with great effort.
‘Yes, Commander? What’s yer pleasure this foin mornin’?
Kathryn could not help herself. She snorted in a most unladylike manner and
covered her face. Neelix shrugged.
‘Well, if the little lass won’t choose...’
‘Please don’t call me thaAAAAH!!!! NEELIX!!!’
Kathryn surreptitiously rubbed her behind. ‘Stop that!’
‘But yer nat wearing green. ‘Tis the custom, moi lass.’
Chakotay placed a hand on her shoulder.
She calmed herself quickly.
‘Okay. Mr. Neelix, don’t do that again. And please don’t call me your
Neelix nodded, noticing the steel in her voice. ‘Yes, Captain. Will you be
coming to the party this evening in holodeck two?’
She hesitated. Chakotay answered for her.
‘Yes. We both are.’ He looked pointedly at her, as if daring her to naysay
She inclined her head.
‘As the Commander says.’ She looked back at him, arching an eyebrow, her
mouth curving in a half-smile.
The lights went down. Then they went back up again. Then switched off
again. Then... the entire ship was bathed in a luxuriant green glow.
Kathryn looked up, and then sighed. She vowed to herself that Mr Paris
would soon have a list of corridors to be vacuumed as far as the eye could
see. She could only guess at how sickly she must look with her pale skin in
this green light. It was sickening how Chakotay still managed to look
tanned in it.
‘Janeway to Torres.’
‘Torres here... Captain, I’m working on it... That little ratbag must’ve
got into the power couplings... Idiot... when I’m through with him...’
‘Thank you, B’Elanna,’ Kathryn said quickly, before B’Elanna managed to
incriminate herself further. ‘Janeway ouOOWWW!!!!!’
She turned around quickly... and saw Tom standing there with a big grin.
She carefully rubbed her behind and glowered at the Lieutenant.
‘Mr. Paris...’
‘You’re not wearing green, Captain!’
‘I am aware of that. Now, about the lights...’
He looked at her with wide-eyed innocence.
‘You said we couldn’t mess with the green holo-gunge or the shower
systems... you never said anything about the lights!’
She shook her head.
She muttered to Chakotay, ‘Next time, I swear...’
Chakotay smiled sympathetically.
Kathryn towards the exit of the mess hall, being careful to stay out of the
range of prospective gropers. Pinchers, she amended, though there was not
much difference. Then a burst of music came from the other end of the room,
and she looked in that direction, dreading the sight. Neelix stood on a
makeshift podium with a microphone. By now there were a goodly number of
people in the mess hall, so his speech was not ignored.
‘Ladiiiiiiiiies and gentlemen!!! I am pleased to welcome you to the opening
of the St. Patrick’s Day celebrations! This year, we are going to mark the
The lights flickered and then returned to their ordinary hue. Janeway
breathed a silent sigh of relief. She glanced around her, trying to find
Chakotay, but she could not see him anywhere in the vicinity. Neelix
paused, then continued when the lights had stabilized.
‘... Thank you. This year, we are going to mark the occasion by changing
our plan slightly... The Blarney Stone tradition will be held to kick off
the celebrations! Now... everyone line up... You all have to kiss the
Blarney Stone.’
Everyone duly stood in line. Neelix caught sight of Janeway and immediately
ushered her to the front.
‘Captains first,’ he said jokingly. She cast a despairing glance upwards
and waited for Neelix to unveil the stone. He stepped aside to reveal a
shape covered in a white sheet. He whipped off the sheet… reveal Chakotay standing there with a small smile on his face.
Murmurs spread through the hall. An expression of shock crossed Kathryn’s
face, mixed generously with annoyance and grudging amusement. She had been
set up.
Neelix was watching her expectantly, as was Chakotay and the rest of the
crewmembers standing behind her. She shook her head despairingly and
stepped up to Chakotay. She kissed him chastely on the cheek.
He took hold of her arm.
‘Chakotay, what-‘ The rest of what she was going to say was checked as he
pulled her back towards him and kissed her properly. She felt the heat of
his body through the uniform, the strong, male smell of him... her legs
almost gave way beneath her; would have, but for his strong arms supporting
her. She tasted him briefly in her mouth before he pulled away from her.
She let out a breath of surprise, shock, astonishment... And she wanted
more. Under the numerous claps and whistles, she whispered, ‘Chakotay...
Come with me...’
He nodded infinitesimally. She walked out of the mess hall, and there was a
distinct sway to her hips and a smile on her lips as she went.

The doors to Kathryn’s quarters opened not fifteen minutes later. Chakotay
stood there, looking somewhat uncertain.
‘Come in, Chakotay,’ she said quietly. At her gesture, he sat down beside
her on the couch. She reached for his hand, and he clasped hers,
appreciating the contact. She smiled at him, then pulled him close, kissing
him tentatively. He pulled away after just a moment.
‘Kathryn? Kathryn, I...’
She stroked his cheek lightly, drawing her thumb across his lips.
‘Shh... Chakotay, just... let me.’
She kissed him properly now, a more satisfying kiss than the one in the mess
hall. He felt her sincerity. This was not just playing around... he felt
her love, her passion, her friendship all at once. When they finally broke
apart again, he was at peace with himself. He was sure of what he felt,
sure of what she felt. She smiled playfully.
‘Now it’s time to put things right. I hurt from all that pinching. It’s
all your fault... you started it.’
Chakotay could not help it. He chuckled, and then kissed her again.
‘I’ll just have to see what I can do about that, won’t I?’
She laughed.
‘Captain’s orders.’

They made it to the Party eventually... They were inexcusably late, but
everyone forgave them. The news spread like wildfire of exactly why it was
that their captain had a smile on her face strong enough to ignite a meteor
shower. Naomi beamed at both of them just as she was being crowned Princess
of Ireland. Well, now that they official royal sanction...
B’Elanna seemed to have forgiven Tom for his prank with the lights earlier,
judging from the way his face was bleeding when they had last been spotted
by the punch bowl (however paradoxical that was). And Tuvok was
mysteriously absent, for some odd reason. Little did they know that he was
giving in to one of his not-quite-so-logical Vulcan fears... he was afraid
of the colour green! No wonder he was absent from each St. Patrick’s Day
celebration. The Borg Cube must have been hell for him. About halfway
through the celebration, the doctor appeared.
‘Excuse me... where am I... someone... help...’
He bumped into a large potted plant.
‘Someone... will someone PLEASE give me a haircut? I don’t find this at
all funny!’
Long strands of green hair hung down to his knees, completely obscuring his
face, making him look like some bizarre version of Cousin It.
The party continued.

Later that night, after everything had been cleared up and all the
crewmembers had returned to their quarters, faint noises were coming from
the bedroom of the Captain’s quarters.
‘Mmm... oh, Chakotay...’
‘Kathryn... I love you...’
‘Oh... oh... I love you too...’
‘I want toOOOWWWW!!!! Kathryn! What was that for?’
‘Well, you’re not wearing green anymore, are you?’

The End.